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| Roy Brocksmith, dead at 56. Here you can see him checking out VR porn. | The return of Armin Shimerman, probably keen to impress the crew and get a job. | Worst actress ever! (No kidding either.) | The multi-talented ginger, Ensign Burke. |
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Overview: The Enterprise and USS Hathaway face off in simulated combat maneuvers. Data fails to beat a humanoid at a game of Strategema, shattering his android equivalent of confidence.
Writer: David Kemper
Director: Robert Scheerer
Anon2: Yeah, not a bad episode actually. Kind of enjoyed it. I got a card. What was it?
Anon: Sirna Kolrami.
Anon2: Oh yeah.
Anon: And I got Bractor and the Kreechta.
Anon2: There you go. 2-1.
Anon: Sirna Kolrami had a bit of a cum-voice going on, didn't he?
Anon2: He's a bit of a weird fag.
Anon: Froggy-throated mincer.
Anon2: I didn't like the character personally. He was a bit of a twat.
Anon: He's played by Roy Brocksmith, who you can also see in Total Recall giving Arnie the choice between two pills. In so doing, it pre-dates the similar scene in The Matrix by nearly 10 years.
Anon2: Yeah. Good spot.
Anon: So, the premise of this episode is they're doing these war game simulations, so Riker, Worf, Geordi... and Wesley Crusher all beam over to the other ship, the USS Hathaway.
Anon2: Yeah. Also, this woman beams over who randomly smiles a lot.
Anon: Yeah, her as well. We'll probably come back to her. So, Riker, Worf, Geordi and Wesley beam over to the other ship to have a pretend fight.
Anon2: Yeah, they've got 48 hours to prepare the Hathaway. Like Anne Hathaway, who I'd like to fuck.
Anon: You're talking about the current actress, yeah? Not the Anne Hathaway who was married to William Shakespeare?
Anon2: Well, she'd be dead, wouldn't she?
Anon: Well, so would the current Anne Hathaway. It's set in the future.
Anon2: Yeah, but this isn't real.
Anon: It's like the Red Dwarf scene where Rimmer goes, "I've come here to tell you that in 3 million years' time, you'll be dead."
Anon2: (laughs)
Anon: So, they're on the other ship, but Worf doesn't want to come along again, because he's a fucking wuss.
Anon2: Wuss!
Anon: Yeah, Riker goes to see him whilst he's building a model ship.
Anon2: Out of wood.
Anon: But Worf breaks the ship and roars loudly. Then he comes over to the Hathaway anyway. So, they've all beamed over and Riker goes to sit down in the Captain's chair, which has an ashtray.
Anon2: Yeah. In fact, that was pointed out by our special guest, who isn't here for the commentary. He had to heave-ho.
Anon: He did the big fuck-off.
Anon2: Yeah, I think his girlfriend was basically, "This is fucking nonsense. What's going on?" Anyway, good ol' Craig. Hi there and happy reading!
Anon: Yeah, so on the Hathaway there was also this dumb blonde bint who was quite honestly one of the worst actresses I've seen in my life. And I say this despite having watched the occasional episode of a soap opera. This woman was a woefully bad actor. You even knew she was going to be a bad actress before she said anything.
Anon2: In fact, before she says anything, I was thinking "What the fuck is this prick doing in the background?" Or "this cocksucker," I probably should've said. She's grinning away like fuck then she comes over and says some nonsense. I can't even remember what it was. So shit.
Anon: Oh, she says, "Where can we find some power cabling?" then Worf just rips it out of the ceiling. That was one of those bits that when it was first on, I'd probably have laughed at, but now I just think, "Meh."
Anon2: Well, we are quite cynical about most things.
Anon: We've definitely become more cynical over time. (pause) Actually, I'm a bit cynical about that comment. I'm not sure if we've become more cynical.
Anon2: (laughs) I admire your cynicism!
Anon: So, Pulaski was in this episode a bit. She basically turned up and had a winge about how Sirna Kolrami could not beat Data at a game of Strategema.
Anon2: And he does beat Data.
Anon: Well, as they point out, it's a matter of perspective.
Anon2: Well, he doesn't actually beat him up.
Anon: Well, that would've been different. That wouldn't have been "Help the Aged."
Anon2: Basically, Data gets the hump, doesn't he? He puts himself out of commission by diagnosing himself. I suppose that's fair enough but the kind of thing this fella - what's his name again?
Anon: Sirna Kolrami.
Anon2: Sirna Kolrami, yeah. Basically, he's like the best player of this game ever, apparently.
Anon: A third-level Grand Master.
Anon2: Something like that. Fucking level 5 elf, I don't know! So the premise is that Data, because he's a machine, should beat him. And he doesn't, so Data gets the arse on. Well, he doesn't get the arse on from the point of view that he doesn't have an ego. But I don't know what they were actually trying to say here.
Anon: What, the morale of the story?
Anon2: I'm not sure. Knowing when to win and when you're losing? I don't fucking know. Plus Riker wasn't expected to win on the Hathaway. Data was expected to win because he was a machine, but neither of these expectations came to fruition.
Anon: The guy who was the judge of the Strategema game, the adjudicator of it, is called Ensign Burke and he turns up all over the place in this episode. He's the ginger bloke. He turns up in loads and loads of scenes despite never having been in a previous episode or probably ever appearing in a later one. I think he looks a lot like Agent Pierce in 24, if you've seen that. Anyway, Ensign Burke really gets about places in this episode.
(I checked. Ensign Burke is indeed played by Glenn Morshower, also known as Agent Aaron Pierce in 24. He also turns up later in Starship Mine as a different character.)
Anon2: Yes.
Anon: He's a lot better than the dumb blonde bint too.
Anon2: I'm hoping that he's not in any more episodes though. It's like that Ensign Lopez in the previous episodes. I was wondering if she was going to mingle into the recurring cast in the same way that Colm Meaney did.
Anon: Ensign Lopez?
Anon2: Yeah, the one that spilt the drink on Picard.
Anon: Ah, that was Sonya Gomez.
Anon2: Ah, sorry. Wet T-shirt girl. I'd fuck her.
Anon: Yeah, Picard wouldn't though, as she burnt his bollocks and nipples.
Anon2: Anyway, it's good that Ensign Burke isn't in any more episodes. I don't want a ginger guy turning up every week! No more than 1 episode with a ginger guy. Klingons are okay, but gingers? Fuck off!
Anon: Yeah. I guess every time they look out of the viewscreen, they'd get burnt by the Sun.
Anon2: (laughs)
Anon: Someone else in this episode was Armin Shimerman, playing another Ferengi (and not the Betazoid Gift Box this time.)
Anon2: Basically, he's going to be a Ferengi a bit more later on. Oh, one of the comments that was made by Craig was during the Data scene. Now, Craig asked, "Has Data had his cat yet?" (laughs) He was talking about Spot then you said, "He's not going to give birth to it!" (laughs) That was good! Classic. Fucking brilliant!
Anon: The other daft thing was this bit where Wesley did the High Jump in Engineering. It's a strange event from the Next Generation Special Olympics.
Anon2: Yeah, they're near the Warp Core and there's this bannister rail that Wesley inexplicably fucking leapfrogs!
Anon: And no one tells him off or says, "Don't be a cunt!"
Anon2: Yeah, or "Where's your safety assessment for that move, cuntface?" (pause) They may not have risk assessments in the 24th century.
Anon: Tell us about the shut the fuck up count.
Anon2: Oh, the shut the fuck up count. I believe the order of events started with Deanna going to Data and asking him to come back to the Bridge after he'd blobbed off. But Data tells Deanna to shut the fuck up. Then she tells him to shut the fuck up, if you know what I mean.
Anon: It was a total blob-fight.
Anon2: Not much else to say here. It wasn't bad; it wasn't great. Average to good. Good to firm. Like a nice pair of titties. Anyhow, we've apparently got the worst ever episode coming up.
Anon: Yeah, as I'm told. The next episode will be Shades of Gray, and I've never seen it.
Anon2: I think I have, but it's in black and white as far as I remember. It's one of these things where... they have to make 26 episodes or something like that?
Anon: We'll come to that in the next commentary because there's the whole WGA strike to talk about there as well.
Anon2: Ah. Okay. Fair enough. We'll talk about that later then. I think there's things to do before that episode though.
Anon: Yeah, I'm going to go for a piss, then we're going to see what's waiting for us. Alright. Bye.
- Anon & Anon2, 5-Dec-2009
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| Worf would rather make a wooden boat than beam over. Wuss! | Ensign Burke. Still the star of the show. | You can always rely on TNG to re-invent the wheel. I preferred the original version of Bomberman. | Rommies sighted! | I tried to find a picture so I could make a joke about Anne Hathaway taking it up the arse. Instead all I can say is she can give as much as she can take. |