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| Riker gets a fuck! | This bloke didn't do much to reduce stereotypes. | Prime Minister of the cloning guys. If this was the better plot, it speaks volumes about the other. | Planet Bringloid V. Apparently, brionglóidí is Gaelic for dreams. |
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Overview: Picard must find a way to bring two radically incompatible cultures together, lest both of them face extinction.
Writer: Melinda M. Snodgrass
Director: Winrich Kolbe
Anon: Okay, this is a prologue to Up The Long Ladder. My colleague is having a dump. I'm just interested to see how many times the word "taters" turns up whilst watching the next episode. I'm going to try not to prompt him for it. We'll just see how many times he says it of his own volition. We'll check back on this a little bit later.
Commentary
Anon: I think that was episode 44, Up The Long Ladder.
Anon2: Up Your Fucking Bum. That was shit!
Anon: (laughs)
Anon2: That was fucking appalling.
Anon: It was bad, I'll grant you that.
Anon2: It was a joke.
Anon: Well, the joke was on the audience and the joke was on the actors that had to portray their characters in this episode. The joke's on us.
Anon2: Yeah. Taters taters taters. I said that at least twice during the episode.
(See, I was right.)
Anon2: By the way, the Stardate was 42827.3. Great! No cards. Data got told to shut the fuck up twice.
Anon: Yeah, in the same scene as well.
Anon2: I think that's happened before.
Anon: Essentially, for the sake of people who aren't familiar with this episode, we've actually done a bit of public service whilst watching this episode. Anyway, if you haven't seen this episode, you don't have to bother. The crux of this shit is they find some Irish people that they beam up to the Enterprise with a bunch of chickens and pigs and a lamb.
Anon2: And some straw and hay.
Anon: Yeah. They beam them up to the Enterprise and they have an argument with some people with a cloning machine.
Anon2: Yeah, plus Riker gets a fuck.
Anon: Yeah, we think he gets a fuck.
Anon2: I think we can safely say he gets a fuck.
Anon: He's basically got his horn on and is trying to shag the lead Irish guy's daughter. Then there's the Prime Minister of the other race - he's not called a Taoiseach - and they all like cloning themselves. Now, for some reason, they want to clone Pulaski.
Anon2: Yeah, I can't understand that. Like I say, it's a joke episode.
Anon: Pulaski's a crusty old bitch. Surely she's post-menopause anyway.
Anon2: Yeah. There's a bit about cloning. They wanted to take some of the Enterprise's DNA so they could continue cloning and enrich the gene pool.
Anon: The Enterprise's crew's DNA, you mean.
Anon2: Yeah. What they should have been doing was sorting their own DNA. If you're going to clone anything, the clone's only as good as the copy you've made.
Anon: Another thing to point out is that any culture that's evolved to the stage where they can clone people "willy-nilly" would be able to manipulate DNA to give them enough genetic differences to diversify the gene pool?
Anon2: Yeah. Mutations happen all the time so if they were cloning people, they'd have been cloning mutations and that's what is degenerative. It's also what causes evolution as well, but if there were no mutations there would be no evolution. What I'm saying is... actually, I can't be arsed. This episode was shit. I'm not going into the science of this. There's no fucking point. If you're reading this and you've not seen the episode, basically don't fucking bother watching it! Just save yourself some grief. Don't watch this shite!
Anon: This is another of those episodes where it's embarrassing to be a Star Trek fan.
Anon2: Yeah, it is.
Anon: It's like what Pie said during the Angel One commentary.
Anon2: Once these yokels got beamed up, I'd just finished writing down that Data got told to shut the fuck up twice. The only other thing I wrote down was "joke episode!" Because frankly it was fucking poor. I'm not even going to give this 1 out of 10. It gets a fucking zero.
Anon: How do you think this episode compares to ones like Angel One and When the Bough Breaks?
Anon2: This is the bottom.
Anon: This is the worst, you think?
Anon2: Yeah.
Anon: Really? I don't know.
Anon2: Well, let's put it this way. 0 out of 10. We can't go into negative scores, can we?
Anon: When the Bough Breaks may have been a negative score.
Anon2: Fair enough.
Anon: It was pretty toilet, this episode, we've got to say.
Anon2: I didn't enjoy watching it.
Anon: The only other thing that happens in this episode is that Worf collapses with the Klingon chicken pox and he goes to bring Pulaski a pot of tea that she can't drink because it's poisonous to her. Apparently it's called the Klingon Tea Ceremony. So, this present he brings her is fatal for humans to drink. So Worf brings along poison to try to kill Pulaski.
Anon2: Yeah, and he doesn't get away with it because she gives herself an antidote. Wank!
Anon: What they should do is, when they supply DVD's or VHS of this episode, or even regular TV broadcasts, they should deliver antidotes to this episode for the people that are watching it.
Anon2: We'd probably have enjoyed this episode more if we'd watched it in Spanish.
Anon: Yeah, or if we were off our tits.
Anon2: Yeah, much better. We'd have laughed more. All we could do was say, "This is fucking shit." I'll tell you what, I actually feel quite fucking depressed after having watched that. Y'know, as Trek goes that was woeful as fuck.
Anon: It was really bad, wasn't it?
Anon2: Totally shit.
Anon: Well, the next episode is called Manhunt. Do you remember that one?
Anon2: No, but if it's better than this one then I'll enjoy it immensely.
Anon: The next one features a certain man by the name of Mick Fleetwood.
Anon2: What?! Out of Fleetwood Mac?
Anon: I don't know of any other.
Anon2: Ah, interesting.
Anon: And also the return of Lwaxana Troi.
Anon2: Oh. She's annoying.
Anon: And dead now too.
Anon2: Is she?
Anon: Yeah, Majel Barrett's dead.
Anon2: When did she die then?
Anon: Erm, this year or last year, I think.
(18th December 2008 as it goes.)
Anon: Anyway, take care dudes. We'll be seeing you later.
Anon2: Unless I decide I've had enough of life after having watched that.
Anon: We'll be fine. I think we now have an average episode to look forward to.
Anon2: Hooray! Average!
Anon: Yeah, bring on the average episode! Later bye.
- Anon & Anon2, 26-Nov-2009
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| For some reason, they bring a spinning machine on-board. | Yet somehow they managed to construct this ship! | Worf's attempt to kill Pulaski sadly failed. | Yes, that is straw on the transporter pads. |