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| "We need things that will make us go." | Crimson Blob Forcefield! | Apparently Starbase 515 is visible. Could've fooled me. | Chris "Captain Kargan" Collins returns as Grebnedlog. Quite why this is Goldenberg spelt backwards is never explained. |
| (more images below) | |||
Overview: A group of dimwitted aliens kidnap Geordi to fix their malfunctioning ship, only to take him prisoner and reveal their sinister intentions. Meanwhile, Captain Picard's life is threatened during a routine medical procedure.
Writer: Robert L. McCullough
Director: Les Landau
Anon2: Yes it was, although I've got to say I didn't actually start writing any notes until about half-way through because it was one of those episodes where I was a bit bored shitless and couldn't be bothered to write anything. But, the card-count was quite high. 2 for me and 3 for you. No idea how.
Anon: We got a few, didn't we? Make Us Go, Reginod...
Anon2: Reginod, yeah!
Anon: Not Reginod Barclay. That would have been Reginald.
Anon2: Yeah. We also got Crimson Forcefield or something like that, a Battle Bridge card.
Anon: Crimson-coloured Minge, after a blob. (laughs) It had the Pakleds in this episode - they weren't exactly the 24th century equivalent of Rain Man, were they?
Anon2: No they weren't. To be honest with you, they looked a bit like the Vogons from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - the original TV series.
Anon: Maybe that's what they were based on.
Anon2: Maybe. They were a bit daft, weren't they? A bit fucking thick! So, what did I laugh at? What was ridiculous? Initialising the sterile field was one of them. Tell you what, shall we do a plot synopsis, or is it not really worth it?
Anon: Erm, okay. Well, it started off with Ensign Gomez being back. She did less than in the previous episode. She didn't even spill a hot chocolate this time. She just counted down from 24.
Anon2: I'm wondering if they were thinking about including her as part of the recurring cast in the same way they're doing at this stage with Colm Meaney and... who else?
Anon: He's about it. It's just him and Guinan as recurring cast.
Anon2: I don't know if we see Gomez much beyond this. I don't remember her being in many more episodes.
Anon: This episode has the whole thing about Picard's artificial heart, which obviously leads on into the episode Tapestry in season 6, the Q episode.
Anon2: Yeah, that's great.
Anon: Yeah, that's a good episode. I'm looking forward to that one. We've got 100 or so more episodes to go first though! This whole thing with the artificial heart... Picard tells Wesley all about it in the shuttlecraft, but doesn't tell Riker or anyone else. And then fucking Pulaski comes and saves the day!
Anon2: Fucking miserable cunt! Y'know, I wrote down "Pulaski = irritant." That pretty much sums her up. She's fucking dreadful. The more and more this season's gone on, the more and more I fucking hate her. She's overtaken Wesley in terms of who I hate the most of the cast.
Anon: In some ways, this episode actually got worse when Wesley disappeared from the shuttlecraft and it was just the bullshit with the Pakleds and Picard having the operation. "Oh no, he almost died" and "Oh well, Pulaski saved him." So what? Pulaski even had a go at him at the beginning, saying, "You've got to go to Starbase Blah Blah Blah and get sorted." The Pakled thing - there's this line about how they may or may not be technologically advanced and Riker or Worf said, "Have they got any weapons?" Well, why didn't they scan for that earlier?
Anon2: They did. They said they've got something but not much. Then all of a sudden, they've got the bees' knees. Anyway, they needed to get Geordi back. That was the crunch of the episode.
Anon: Yeah. What does Geordi do? He gets blasted by a phaser, that's about it!
Anon2: He gets blasted by a phaser about 4 or 5 times. But the thing is they do this ruse - it's kinda cryptic - where Riker says to Geordi, "We're going to shoot at you but we're not really going to shoot at you," and they hope that Geordi realises so he lowers the shields. But y'know what, if we'd bothered replaying the scene, we'd have noticed it was just total fucking nonsense.
Anon: The thing with the Pakleds - they describe this when they do the Senior Staff Meeting on the Enterprise - is that they want "instant power, instant knowledge and instant gratification." Basically, that's the feeling I get every year when I go to Amsterdam.
Anon2: Yep.
Anon: That place rocks. Anyway, that's about all I have to say about the episode basically.
Anon2: Oh, at the end, after Picard's finished his operation and Pulaski's saved the day (vomit vomit vomit,) he's wearing a hologram thing like Arnold Rimmer has in Red Dwarf and a beanie hat like you've got on right now. It was red.
Anon: Yeah, they were all wearing red beanie hats. There was a collection of random doctors, most of which don't say anything, which basically means that they were extras and hadn't been paid for their lines.
Anon2: At the beginning of the procedure they say, "Turn the sterile field on," and that's represented by 2 big fuck-off switches on a panel. (laughs) They've got all this touch-screen shit because they've obviously taken Apple's advice from the iPhone, but instead here they use 2 big massive switches! Just to make the point they're turning on a sterile field! It was fucking rubbish. So then, this was average at best?
Anon: No, it's below average, man.
Anon2: That's what I'm saying, average at best. 4 out of 10 really.
Anon: It was a bit wank.
Anon2: It was filler, wasn't it?
Anon: It was a bit like a melancholy turd heading downstream.
Anon2: Oh yeah. I might have a shit in a bit.
Anon: Oh, a gigashit?
Anon2: No, I had a gigashit at work earlier. I feel some rumbling going though.
Anon: Gonna drop some tadpoles?
Anon2: I think there's a terrapin's head rather than a turtle's head poking out.
Anon: A bit of frogspawn then.
Anon2: Well, rusty water! (laughs)
Anon: Watership Down or Watered Down Shit?
Anon2: (laughs)
Anon: Alright, you go have a turd and we'll put on the next episode, which is some season 2 shit that everyone's forgotten about. See you next time. Bye.
- Anon & Anon2, 26-Nov-2009
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| Grebnedlog's mate Reginod. That's Doniger backwards. | Beanie hat time! | Future star of Murder One... Daniel Benzali! | Almost all of Geordi's episodes suck balls. This is no exception... | ... as proven by the fact the episode gets worse when Wesley's not in it! |