The Neutral Zone

Cryosatellite!	Think the freezer's broken though. Hope the guy had insurance.	The Rommies: "We're back!"	First sighting of a D'deridex. They're freakin' huge!
(more images below)

Overview: A derelict satellite is found with cryonically frozen humans aboard as the USS Enterprise is sent to investigate the destruction of outposts near Romulan space.
Writer: Maurice Hurley
Director: James L. Conway

Anon: The Neutral Zone.

Anon²: Yeah. And at the end... I'm going to start by talking about the end before I talk about anything else in the episode. In the final five or ten minutes or so, the Romulan says, "I'm back" and then they go back to the bridge where it's clear that they were going to be making more episodes of this show. They did enough in this one season. From the commentaries, to be fair, there were a lot of ropey episodes, but they pulled it back together because it's Trek and at the end of this it was clear that they were going to be making more of these. It's pretty evident from the lines that were being used. It's a credit because it could've been canned. It really could've been canned.

Anon: The original series was canned twice.

Anon²: Yeah. Y'know, this was an episode where nothing much happened. There was no real major character development. Nothing major was happening, but it said, "We're going on from here." The non-Romulan part of the episode was where they took these people from the past and were obviously trying to move them on, helping them adapt to lives in their future. That really parallels the thing with Trek where they've taken something that was more or less dead for nearly 20 years and moved it on. That's a real parallel in the whole episode.

Anon: And you know where they found those people of course? On the Cryosatellite!

Anon²: Cryosatellite! Yeah, card-count: 3 for you; 1 for me; 1 for Bowdy. That's pretty good, bearing in mind it's something-o'clock.

(2.35am in fsct.)

Anon: Yeah.

Anon²: Bowdy's been to sleep twice during this episode.

Anon: In fact, he's asleep now. Oh hang on, he's raising his eyebrow. He's having a cheeky listen!

Anon²: He's listening, yeah. It's an episode where they know they've got another series to come and thank God they did because this was the best TV show I had when I was a kid. Apart from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet... maybe a few other things. This is what I sat down and watched when I was having my tea at like, six o'clock in the evening.

Anon: Do you not drink tea?

Anon²: Not when I started. You have to bear in mind... what was I when this started? 13, 14 when this came out? I was drinking, yeah, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't in the pub at the time. It was like, six o'clock. I became a pisshead about 20 years after that, which is now.

Anon: We did a little experiment with this episode. We played a bit of it at 1.5 times speed.

Anon²: Yeah. And it took some time for me to point out that it was at that 1.5 times speed, because basically we weren't listening. (laughs) Or at least you weren't.

Anon: The Rommie guy is called Tebok or Tebar or something.

Anon²: Maybe it was Teabag.

Anon: Yeah, he goes teabagging.

Anon²: Sure. He goes teabagging. He dips his balls into some bird's mouth. Great.

Anon: Cheers for the explanation. I won't have to add a link to urbandictionary.com any more.

Anon²: (laughs) Excellent. Problem solved.

Anon: Denise Crosby is still in the opening credits.

Anon²: Yeah, but she contributed to the entire series and she'll be in at least one episode more, probably two.

Anon: There's Yesterday's Enterprise and then she plays Sela as well. Then there's All Good Things...

Anon²: Oh yeah, so there's three storylines with her. I forgot about All Good Things... obviously, that goes into the past, doesn't it? And the future. And the present. (hums theme tune to The Twilight Zone.) I've just spoiled the end of the series. If anyone's reading this who's never seen Star Trek before, I'll just fuck it up for you. (laughs) Fantastic! Nice!

Anon: With the Rommies in this episode, there's this whole storyline that there's been no contact between the Federation and the Romulans for 80 years.

Anon²: That's not true though.

Anon: Even so, there's this bit where Troi has to explain about the Romulans to Picard as if he's got no clue who they are. How can he be a Captain in Starfleet and have no idea about the history of the Federation with the Romulans? How can he not be aware that they can be nutters?

Anon²: No no no. There's not much with the Romulans in it before this episode. How much were they in The Original Series? There was zip.

Anon: Yeah there was.

Anon²: What?

Anon: The Enterprise Incident. Balance of Terror.

Anon²: Ah shit. Oh okay. Were they different back then? Were they Vulcan-like?

Anon: Yeah, they were Vulcan-like. They were in Star Trek: The Motion Picture too, I think.

Anon²: Oh actually, yeah. That's a good point. I'm going to have to pay more attention next time I watch one of these. Anyway, episode rating: what do you reckon? A 7 or an 8? It's in that kind of region.

Anon: Out of what?

Anon²: Out of ten.

Anon: 7 or 8? No chance.

Anon²: You think this was poor?

Anon: I think it was ropey, yeah. I don't think anything happens.

Anon²: Well, no, that's what I said earlier. Nothing happens, but what it does is...

Anon: Well, if nothing happens how is it a 7 or 8 out of 10? The guest characters are incredibly dull.

Anon²: This is the thing. I think this episode was made in a way to say "We're making another series." It doesn't make it a good episode. It makes it a good beginning. Do you understand what I'm saying.

Anon: Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

Anon²: But how do you rate an episode then? Everything you've seen is in a regular timeslot for year after year after year. Where does this episode stand? Is it a 6 or a 7 or an 8? Or is it higher? I mean, The Sopranos is a big 8, 9 or 10.

Anon: Oh, you're talking about the whole of Next Gen?

Anon²: Yeah.

Anon: I thought you were talking about The Neutral Zone.

Anon²: No no no. Ah maybe I wasn't clear enough. This episode was about the fact that they knew they were going forward.

Anon: Sure, I get you. The thing with Next Gen is that when it's really good, it's still not great when you compare it to something like The Sopranos or The Shield. It's just that there are a lot of good episodes that keep the series as a whole very watchable.

Anon²: I suppose that's what I'm saying. At the beginning of the episode, they said they knew they were going to make season two. All of the build-up - the storyline was so irrespective - it didn't matter. It was all about the fact that they knew - there were so many innuendos in what they were saying - that they're going on. At this point, the crew knew that whether it was designed to be the last episode or not, they were going to be making more. I would say this is why it's a 6, 7 or 8 - they got their bollocks out at the end and it made it quite poignant and important. Bowdy's snoring like a cunt, by the way. It sounds like a big flapping fanny fart.

Anon: In the episode we find out that there's no TV past the year 2040.

Anon²: Oh fuck! I'm not going to bother investing in any more DVD's and Blurays then. Frankly, I may as well piss it up against the wall for the next 31 years. Just go and get pissed and fucked.

Anon: So, that's the TV of the future.

Anon²: Yeah, people getting pissed. No one will watch TV in the future because they'll have seen this episode and thought, "What's the point?"

Anon: (laughs)

Anon²: No wonder they froze people.

Anon: Of course, we had TV in the past referenced in this episode - in this case, Doctor Who.

Anon²: Yeah.

Anon: This was my favourite thing - something I heard was in this episode so many times...

(I didn't get a chance to explain this in the commentary, but a viewscreen showing names of the family of one of the cryogenically unfrozen humans shows the names of the actors of the first six Doctors in Doctor Who: William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison and Colin Baker.)

Anon²: Well, actually, this may be something I've dreaming of because I've banged on about this so many times at the beginning of this interview, but they're looking at Doctor Who for its longevity as a TV series.

Anon: The original Doctor Who was still running when Next Gen started, in fact.

Anon²: Even so, they were looking at something that was going on that wasn't originally popular with everyone. It was dead before it ever hit off with mainstream fans...

(Having researched this for my Masters degree, I'd disagree with this. The Dalekmania period serial The Rescue averaged a 12.5m rating, whilst Tom Baker's serial City of Death averaged 14.5m viewers in 1979. Having 8-10m viewers wasn't uncommon until the mid-80's. Next Gen's ratings on the BBC tended to average about 4m.)

Anon²: ... I really think they made this episode and were saying, "This is going to happen. This is what we're going to go on and do." That's just the way I see it, honest to God. Doctor Who has longevity and that's what they're referencing. Fuck, this is late. You've got to understand this is the latest we've ever been doing commentaries.

Anon: It is actually 2.45am now.

Anon²: Yeah, so I'm not being funny but this is essentially the underlying thing about this entire series - they needed to keep it moving.

Anon: The one thing that it appears to be moving into is The Borg.

Anon²: It does. Frankly, the last two episodes, they brought in potential story arcs. Now, The Borg was the only real major story arc, but it was sporadic for the next few series. They never had a real story arc in the way that Deep Space Nine did. We've got to mention the "V" word here - that had a story arc and that's all it had and that's why it was poor.

Anon: Yeah, but "V" - not V with the alien lizards...

Anon²: No, "V" the appalling Star Trek series.

Anon: And not Star Trek "V": The Final Frontier.

Anon²: No, that's just number 5. The show with the woman Captain.

Anon: Yeah okay, so "V" - it may have had a story arc, but it had exactly the same story arc that Lost in Space did.

Anon²: And Battlestar Galactica, which I saw available on HDDVD for £150.

Anon: Well, I've got my copy of season 1 up there and it cost me £10.

Anon²: Oh damn, I think I'm going to spunk up. Anyway, I'm basically going to try and get my hands on that and it'll be the first thing I watch back-to-back on Blu-ray. All of it. It was fucking great. My balls will be so dry after that. It was great.

Anon: Anything else? Oh, Picard says the rather dodgy line, "Yes, Number One. That would be prudent." Once I work out who wrote this episode, they're going to go in the Hall of Shame. What a terrible line!

Anon²: Maybe Patrick Stewart wrote that line, because no American knows how to spell "prudent."

Anon: Anyway, the next episode is...

Anon²: ... the first episode of season two.

Anon: That's right. It's The Child. It's shit as well. Anyway, we'll look forward to that.

Anon²: Hey, it's a franchise, isn't it? Good night.

Anon: Good night, boys and girls.

- Anon & Anon², 23-Aug-2009