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| Paul is dead. Luap si daed. | Standard card in a VCM deck. | He's not Wolverine. | Actually, he was in Taxi. |
| (more images below) | |||
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| Paul is dead. Luap si daed. | Standard card in a VCM deck. | He's not Wolverine. | Actually, he was in Taxi. |
| (more images below) | |||
Overview: The demonstration of an advanced planetary defense system turns deadly.
Writers: Richard Manning & Hans Beimler
Director: Les Landau
Anon2: Yeah, it's kinda like The Emirates, I think. Oh sorry, wrong Arsenal. Card-count: I got 2; you got 3.
Anon: We got some good ones as well, didn't we? La Forge Maneuver, Echo Papa 607 Killer Drone, Paul Rice.
Anon2: I can't remember any more of them.
Anon: That'll do then.
Anon2: Episode-wise, it wasn't bad. It weren't a bad episode.
Anon: At least it was science-fiction, unlike a lot of these soap opera episodes. Wesley again isn't in it.
Anon2: Hooray!
Anon: He's had some shit episodes, hasn't he?
Anon2: Yeah, all of them. Basically, the concept of the episode is that they go to a planet and make a lot of assumptions... bad ones in fact, about what's gone off, where The Drake is, all this nonsense. It's a total fucking farce. But hey, we don't care. It was a lot of fun. This automated system on the planet, it assumes the appearance of this Paul Rice guy, but knows absolutely nothing about anything except for what he looks like. Now, how it knows what they look like in the first place is... it's very fucked up. I don't know. It had lots of information that it couldn't have got from any source whatsoever. It was ridiculous.
Anon: And they still don't really find out what happened to The Drake.
Anon2: No. They just left at the end, didn't they?
Anon: Yeah, the thought process was, "Let's just forget that. Requires too much effort. We've only got 45 minutes. Later bye!"
Anon2: (laughs) Oh, there was a new Chief Engineer. Logan, I think.
Anon: Yeah, Chief Engineer Logan, but he didn't look anything like Wolverine.
Anon2: No he didn't. He got a bit miffed that he was outranked by Geordi.
Anon: Yeah, but Troi was on the bridge and she outranks both of them.
Anon2: That's true. Oh hang on, does she? Isn't she an Ensign? That's all.
Anon: Well that would be a big jump. She was promoted to Commander in season 7.
Anon2: Ah okay.
Anon: I think it was in Eye of the Beholder. Something like that.
Anon2: Okay, so the Away Team was Yar, Riker and Data. They lost communication and got stranded. So, Picard and Beverly Crusher decide to beam down into what is a really dangerous situation. There was lots of innuendo between Picard and Crusher after they had an accident.
Anon: There was so much innuendo I might even do a separate article on it. And if I do, it will be dirty. Not for kids, okay.
Anon2: Yeah. There might be usage of the word "gash" in there. (laughs) Oh, and one of the Ensigns on the Enterprise...
Anon: Ensign Nipple.
Anon2: Yeah, Ensign Nipple as we've named her, she's well relieved at the end, after the La Forge Manuever when they manage to kill the Echo Papa in space.
Anon: It was like the bits at the end of Michael Bay movies where the cast breaks into applause about how great America is.
Anon2: Yeah, she does a little jump as if someone's just switched a dildo on inside her.
Anon: The whole Picard and Crusher things was an amazing innuendo scene. Oh, Paul is dead. I should point that out again.
Anon2: (still confused) What? (laughs)
(See here if you still don't know.)
Anon: Paul is dead, dude. Paul is dead. Vincent Schiavelli was in this too. Do you remember him from Ghost and The X-Files?
Anon2: Oh yeah. And also One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Anon: Yeah. Cuckoo's Nest with Danny DeVito and Christopher Lloyd.
Anon2: Hmmm... was he in Taxi as well?
Anon: Danny DeVito and Christopher Lloyd certainly were.
(Actually, Schiavelli was in Taxi too - he was the priest who married Latka and Simka.)
Anon2: Anyway, the episode was alright. Not bad, certainly seen worse.
Anon: They mentioned the "Good Ship Lollipop."
Anon2: (laughs) Yeah. That was funny. They obviously had a lot of fun writing this one.
Anon: They probably did. We got another sighting of the Battle Bridge too. The Battle Bridge that only has a little telly for its viewscreen.
Anon2: Yeah, little telly. Not like the big telly on the main bridge.
Anon: The main bridge has such a killer, fuck-off TV, dude. Everyone should be ashamed of their little TV's in comparison. This is why geeks build their flats to look like the Enterprise. Or their dentist surgeries, whatever the fuck it might be. They just want a massive telly so they can see jumbo norks.
Anon2: (laughs) I can't agree more.
Anon: Even little norks would look massive on that thing.
Anon2: Oh man, I remember having a portable TV and watching Trek on that. It was like 14" or something. I thought that was alright at the time.
Anon: The times have changed man.
Anon2: It had a clock on it and everything.
Anon: Was it a colour TV?
Anon2: Yeah. Damn right.
Anon: Okay, so the next episode, when we get around to it, will be Symbiosis.
Anon2: Yes. With the two alien thingies in space. Is it that one?
Anon: No, Symbiosis is the intergalactic drug war episode. Drug addiction, I mean.
Anon2: Ah, I see. I thought it was that Admiral guy and Dexter Remmick again.
Anon: No, that's Conspiracy.
Anon2: Ah okay. Is it the one with the Borg?
Anon: No, it's really not.
Anon2: Is it a Romulan episode?
Anon: No, it's not.
Anon2: Has it got The Traveler in it?
Anon: No.
Anon2: Has it got Ferengi in it?
Anon: Fuck man, no. But it does have the guy who played David, Captain Kirk's son, in Star Trek II and III.
Anon2: Does it?
Anon: Yeah. He's now very dead.
Anon2: Is this the one where they have things stuck in the back of their neck?
Anon: No, that's Conspiracy.
Anon2: Is it a Trill episode?
Anon: (laughs) No, it's not a fucking Trill episode.
Anon2: Do they use phasers?
Anon: Erm, maybe. Yeah, maybe.
Anon2: Well, which ones? When does the phaser rifle come in? We haven't seen that card yet. I'll be looking out for that one. And the Engineering Padd. And the Medical Padd.
Anon: And the Interphasic Scanner or whatever that one was called.
Anon2: Yeah, that thing on the tripod. So, does the next episode have anything else in it that I think might be in it? Y'know, has it got Klingons in it?
Anon: I don't think so, no.
Anon2: What, not even Worf?
Anon: Worf might be in it, yeah.
Anon2: Is it a Data episode?
Anon: No. This is amusingly repetitive.
Anon2: Geordi? It's not a Wesley episode, is it?
Anon: He's in it. There's a bit where Tasha Yar lectures him.
Anon2: Oh, is it the one where Tasha Yar dies?
Anon: No. For fuck's sake, no. I'm turning this off. Later bye.
- Anon & Anon2, 14-Aug-2009
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| Ensign Nipple. | A random spiv. | Geordi's in charge. | Time for the La Forge Maneuver. | Seriously, who buys merchandise off a guy that looks like this? |