Datalore

Time to re-use a soap opera plotline.	Snowflakes are better than lesbian jellyfish.	Prelude to a bad fight scene.	Dr. Soong's lab, with the same weird red things you see in every Trek lab.
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Overview: Data encounters his evil twin brother, Lore.
Writers: Robert Lewin & Gene Roddenberry
Director: Rob Bowman

Anon²: Decent episode.

Pie: Decent, but ultimately not that much to say about it. It was a standard, run-of-the-mill episode.

Anon²: We got to see Data's arse. And he had a nipple on.

Anon: Oh, he had a big nip, didn't he?

Pie: Looked like he was smuggling peanuts.

Anon: We also saw the return of Chief Engineer Argyle, the fat fuck.

Anon²: He probably dies soon.

Pie: Is he the only fat person ever to appear in Star Trek?

Anon²: How about Mot the Barber?

Anon: Oh, he was a fat boy, weren't he? Yeah.

Anon²: And that Morn guy in DS9.

Pie: Ah, but he was an alien. They could all be fat. And so was Mot.

Anon²: Well, Mot was blue, weren't he?

Pie: Bolian.

Anon²: Oh, fair enough.

Pie: So, less fat fucks in the future.

Anon: That's probably because they all eat replicated food, so there's no real excuse, is there?

Anon²: That's true. Anyway, stats... cards... you got 1, I got 2, Pie got none. C'mon Pie, you're not really into this yet.

Pie: What cards were they? I saw the Crystalline Entity and Hidden Entrance. What was the other one?

Anon: Off Switch.

Pie: Ah, there you go.

Anon²: Wesley had a gay jumper again. Three episodes running.

Anon: And Wesley was proven to be right in this episode. That was annoying, wasn't it?

Anon²: Yeah. And he got told to shut the fuck up twice. One by Picard...

Anon: ... and once by his mum!

Anon² & Pie: (both laugh)

Pie: That's an embarrassing to happen whilst at work, isn't it?

Anon: With that Off Switch, how does Data know if his Off Switch works or not?

Anon²: It acts like an alarm clock.

Anon: But he's implying that he's never told anyone about it though. The only way he'd know if it works or not is by switching himself off.

Anon²: How does we switch himself back on again then?

Anon: That's it. That's my point.

Pie: But I guess if he tried it out and then the next piece of memory he has is being in Burma at six o'clock in the morning, being raped by sailors, there's a fair bet that it worked.

Anon: Your brother wasn't involved, was he?

Pie: It's a possibility.

Anon²: It probably explains why there's a mould of his arse.

Pie: That's why he's got an anatomically correct arse.

Anon: Do you think with this they just ran out of storylines and just thought, "Fuck it, let's steal an idea from Dallas or Dynasty and just have an identical twin."

Pie: I've got to admit, it's bit of a cliche, isn't it? The evil twin and the evil robot. I thought it was done reasonably well though.

Anon: This was Gene Roddenberry's final episode. What do you think of this as his legacy?

Pie: Was this his final episode? I thought Best of Both Worlds was.

Anon: No no. Best of Both Worlds was really good.

Pie: Ah, okay. I dunno. I think Roddenberry was a bit of a Commie to be honest. All his episodes were themed around things he seemed to dislike in the world. Like, he creates the Ferengi because he thinks capitalism is evil. He's a bit of a Commie loser really.

Anon & Anon²: (both laugh)

Pie: He created a good series though.

Anon²: Those goddamn Russkies!

Anon: It was actually an argument between Roddenberry and the writers of the next episode that made him a lot more hands-off with Next Gen anyway.

Pie: What's the next episode?

Anon: Angel One.

Pie: Roddenberry didn't think it was realistic to put women in charge of a planet?

Anon: We'll chat about that soon. We'll talk about it in the next one. And if we don't, it's because I'll probably have forgotten.

Anon²: Oh, there were bogies on the starboard bow. Geordi said it, and that was one of the only things he did in the episode. Crusher got set on fire by phaser blasts, but prior to that was probably the lamest exchange of phasers. There was a bit of a scuffle and a bit of phaser-pointing and then Lore nicked the phaser. It was fucking shit. How shit was this? Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being totally shit; 10 being not so bad.

Pie: Zero. It was awful. The whole scene just reeked of implausibility. They know there's a scuffle going on, so they send in the crack team of Wesley, Geordi and Dr. Crusher.

Anon: That's one hell of an away team to send out. They could've at least thrown in a redshirt. Or they could've brought Lt. Singh back from the dead.

Anon²: Or the redshirt could've been Wesley. I don't have anything against Wesley. I just want him dead.

Pie: And their plan when they got there seemed to be to walk behind him, stop and then talk to him.

Anon²: I say shoot the bastard. Shoot the bastard first!

Pie: Data's not that inhumane.

Anon²: Does the stun setting work on a Soong-type android?

Pie: Interesting question, that I'm not quite geeky enough to answer.

Anon²: How about a Toon-type android?

Anon & Pie: (joint laughter)

Anon²: Or a Brummie-type android? (adopting Brummie accent) How you doing? You alright?

Anon: I'm waiting for The Traveler to work with Dr. Soong on their new creation: the Pikey-type android.

Anon² & Pie: (both laugh)

Anon: Fucking Travelers.

Anon² & Pie: (excessive laughter)

Anon: I guess this was Brent Spiner's first episode to himself. This was based around him. Unfortunately they started giving characters their "own episodes" earlier with Wesley. Several times in fact.

Pie: It's a strange episode really. You saw a lot of Data and a lot of Picard and a lot of Dr. Crusher as usual.

Anon: And quite a bit of the fact fuck Lt. Cmdr. Argyle too.

Pie: But a lot of the main characters completely disappear through entire episodes. Troi didn't actually appear in the episode. I think she was...

Anon: ... testing out her butt-plug?

Pie: Yeah. Could well be testing out a new butt-plug. Geordi was his usual shit self. Worf turned up a couple of times and got beaten up. And Yar did pretty much fuck all after the first 15 minutes.

Anon: Maybe she was busy getting the spunk out of her hair.

Pie: Or maybe she was busy trying out Troi's butt-plug. I think really and truly half the cast should be embarrassed about picking up their pay-check after that episode.

Anon: Okay. Next one?

Pie: Erm, yeah.

Anon: You got the time?

Pie: Yeah, I can do one more.

Anon: Okay, so the next episode is Angel One. This is the one where you've got a planet dominated by women. It also goes a long way to prove why it would never work.

Anon²: (laughs and claps)

Anon: If you want to clap, go ahead. It's fine. I'm right.

Anon²: (still laughing loudly)

Anon: See you in about 45 minutes.

- Anon, Anon² & Pie, 15-Jul-2009