Haven

5 point or 10 point dilemma?	Keeping it in the family.	Still not Quark.	The 80's rule supreme.
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Overview: Deanna deals with the commitment of an arranged marriage.
Writers: Tracy Torme & Lan O'Kun
Director: Richard Compton

Anon²: No. Very much in the 80's style this one. Some of the haircuts: very tragic. Definitely. You can tell that this series was made in the 80's. The latter 80's, but anyway.

Anon: Yeah, I read something today - this episode actually won an award for hairstyling.

Anon²: No way! Fuck off!

Anon: (laughs) The next episode wins an award as well, for something else. Tasha Yar's haricut was quite something. It was a bit like...

Anon²: Duran Duran or something.

Anon: It reminded me a bit of that scene in There's Something About Mary where Cameron Diaz puts Ben Stiller's spunk in her hair.

Anon²: Oh God, yeah I remember that. But oh, there were some fucking tragic haircuts in that. Good God! What else were we watching?

Anon: Oh, speaking of shaven havens, many many years ago at a Star Trek club I used to go to, I was walking into this room to grab some chairs to set out for watching the telly and that. So, I walked in and there was this bird there getting changed into her Star Trek uniform. She had a shaven haven as well.

Anon²: Oh wow!

Anon: You should've seen her face.

Anon²: Oh dear.

Anon: This was Armin Shimerman's first episode actually. It was recorded before The Last Outpost. Here he played the Betazoid Gift Box, which was the first card we spotted in this episode.

Anon²: We did. Card-count for this episode was 2 for you. 1, possibly 1 and a half to me. There was a card, Mr. Homn was taking a drink in it. We can't be sure if it was his card or not. We'll have to look at that one later. It could be upgraded or downgraded - you never know. Anyway, Mr. Homn: he gets pissed throughout the whole episode. He bangs this fucking gong thing through this ceremony thing. That's fucking hilarious.

Anon: That would be awesome in Amsterdam.

Anon²: Bong! Bong!

Anon: Mong!

Anon²: Bong! Mong! Bong! (laughs)

Anon: No Wesley in this episode.

Anon²: Hooray!

Anon: No Worf either?

Anon²: No. Strangely enough, absent.

Anon: What's your thoughts on Lwaxana Troi - her first episode out of 6 or 7.

Anon²: Basically, she acts like a right cow. Basically, it's all the time to everyone. And during this ceremony with all the gonging, Troi has a proper fit. She goes mental. She fucking blobs everywhere. Ragtime!

Anon: Great sort of music, innit?

Anon²: Great. Anyway, she has a blob-fit.

Anon: Mr. Homn vs. The Traveler in the battle of the tall nutters.

Anon²: Erm, I don't know if The Traveler was that tall, was he?

Anon: He struck me as such.

Anon²: Well, that's because he was stood next to Wesley all the time trying to get up his arse.

Anon: I think Mr. Homn has a way more gay name than The Traveler. But then again, at least he's not a gyppo.

Anon²: (laughs) He is no pikey! Basically, he's really tall. He gets wankered all the time. And basically they say, "Oh, you never speak" but when he gets off the ship he goes "Oh, thank you for the drinks." Basically, it's a bit of a ruse that, isn't it? A bit like One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest with Chief there at the end. Y'know, "Do you want some gum?" "Yeah, thank you." Dunno if they got that from that one, but anyway the whole point of this episode was that Troi was supposed to be getting married to someone called Wyatt Earp or something. He basically had a massive fucking mullett. Great.

Anon: Amazing haircut.

Anon²: Oh man. 80's haircuts are the theme of the show, I think.

Anon: And we know now that it's an award-winning 80's haircut.

Anon²: Fucking hell! (laughs) Unbelievable!

Anon: Have you got to any of the episodes in Twin Peaks with The Giant... Carel Strukyen, Mr. Homn in it?

Anon²: I haven't. I've only got the first series.

Anon: Oh. I think he's in the first episode of the second season.

Anon²: Is he? Oh right.

Anon: We'll check that out one day.

Anon²: Oh, there was some lezza action at the end as well where Lwaxana and Deanna had a snog. I thought I'd mention it, I just thought there was a bit of lezza action going on there. I know it's out of sync with what we're gonna talk about.

Anon: I dunno. Seemed to me the same as my mum and my sister giving each other a kiss.

Anon²: On the lips?!

Anon: Was it on the lips?

Anon²: Yeah.

Anon: Ah, well no then. That's dirty. What did you make of that Arianna girl? The one with the massive jaw?

Anon²: Well, fit body. Bit of a grifter though.

Anon: She might be a MILF these days. Y'know, it's 20 years on.

Anon²: Well, I'm trying to remember the name of the actress she looks like. She was in Basic Instinct. What's her name?

Anon: Not Marina Sirtis.

Anon²: No, was she in it?

Anon: Not quite. Was harking back to our earlier chat about Farpoint.

Anon²: Ah okay. It wasn't Sharon Stone. What was the one where Michael Douglas has an affair?

Anon: Fatal Attraction.

Anon²: Oh, Fatal Attraction.

Anon: That was Glenn Close.

Anon²: Yeah, Glenn Close. She looked like her a bit.

Anon: But as we all know from watching Basic Instinct, Sharon Stone doesn't have a shaven haven. She has a little strip.

Anon²: Interesting. I've not seen it myself.

Anon: Tarellian Plague Ship was sighted. Used that in a few decks myself. Great source of bonus points.

Anon²: It was. I think we were struggling to remember how many, but we think it was 5.

Anon: I think it was 5 too.

Anon²: What was the other one that was worth 10 points. Barclay's?

Anon: Barclay's Protomorphosis Disease.

Anon²: Good card.

Anon: Great in sealed deck.

Anon²: Oh yeah, Will... Will Riker, they keep on calling him Bill through the episode. I'm not sure what that's about. And he does a gay posture in one of the holodecks that was fucking hilarious. He had his hump on because Troi was gonna fuck off and get fucking hitched. He got the arse-off basically.

Anon: The woman that plays Lwaxana Troi is, of course Majel Barrett. The late Majel Barrett, who was Gene Roddenberry's wife.

Anon²: Yeah, that's right. She was a nurse in the original, wasn't she?

Anon: She was Nurse Christine Chapel, yeah. She's probably been in more episodes of Star Trek than anyone else, because she does the computer voice in Next Gen and DS9...

Anon²: No!

Anon: Yeah. And maybe in the shitter series that followed on.

Anon²: Really?

Anon: Yeah.

Anon²: Oh fantastic. That's a bit of trivia. Where did you pick that up from then?

Anon: Inside my arse.

Anon²: How did you pull that one out?

Anon: There's lots of space in there. Particularly after I expel a curry.

Anon²: (laughs) There was an absence of Geordi doing anything here. Absence of Worf. Absence of Wesley, which is a good thing. Lots of stupid haircuts. Quality? Erm, reasonable.

Anon: I think it was a bit melodramatic, but it wasn't too slushy.

Anon²: It's because the leading characters were women in the episode. That's why it was a bit melodramatic.

Anon: Probably why there was a wedding in it, too.

Anon²: Next episode is The Big Goodbye, You remember that one?

Anon: Oh, that's the... er...

Anon²: Nixon Dill.

Anon: Yeah, the Nixon Dill episode. (laughs) That's it. Was he in that special thing, y'know... collection?

Anon²: Dixon Hill's Business Card was in the Fajo Collection. And they go back to Dixon Hill later on in First Contact.

Anon: Do they?

Anon²: Yeah.

Anon: Fair enough.

Anon²: Okay then. See you soon guys!

- Anon and Anon², 15-Jul-2009