The Last Outpost

Oomox freaks soon to drop some acid	None shall pass!	Defeated by a Chinese Finger Puzzle	Futuristic bondage whip
(more images below)

Overview: The Enterprise encounters the Ferengi in orbit around a strange planet.
Writers: Herbert Wright & Richard Krzemein
Director: Richard Colla

Anon²: Card-count: two apiece. Couldn't remember some of the names for them but we got there in the end. One beer each, one [censored]. The first thing I noticed was that Data got told to shut the fuck up again. And Geordi does something, so: Geordi-watch... over to you.

Anon: Yeah, Geordi was doing stuff. He was touching a lot of men up. First there was that engineer down near the warp core who was bending over like he wanted to get a serious bumming. Then he does some dodgy feeling of Data. So a fair bit of batty stuff going on this episode. But there was no Wesley...

Anon²: Hooray!

Anon: He is, after all, the King of the Batty Jumpers.

Anon²: Frankly, this is starting to turn into a bit of a trend. Geordi: is he gay? Y'know, I've never thought this before but I think it's something we need to think about in future episodes. Is Geordi a bit of a brown-hatter? Oh, and Picard said "shit" in French; he said "merde." I got it, but then that's about all the French I know.

Anon: Yeah, the French come up again in this episode with all the talk about national flags at the beginning.

Anon²: Oh yeah.

Anon: And if Picard is supposed to be a French character, it's good to see that by the 24th century the French accent has completely disappeared.

Anon²: I agree. Considering the fact that he's allegedly French, he's got a pretty good English accent.

Anon: The Ferengi are hilarious in this episode, aren't they? They're always jumping around, moving about. I think you've got your own theories about why this is.

Anon²: I think basically they're all doing hard drugs. When you watch the last 10 minutes or so, they're all just freaking out the whole time. So they've all had one too many. And also, apparently Ferengi are really really strong. They actually kinda got the better of Data which frankly... I thought Data was kinda hard. Apparently not.

Anon: When I spoke to Pie about how we'd watched the first few episodes...

Anon²: Oh yeah?

Anon: ... he asked us what the next one was. So I said it was The Last Outpost and he said "Oh, that's shit." So, it's time for a summary. Scores on the doors: what do you reckon?

Anon²: Erm... well... you meet the Ferengi for the first time. I have to say as an episode they need to get their facts right, so I picked up on one particular blooper. Someone says "If it goes down to -200 degrees we're all dead." Then Bev says "If we get down to -70 we're all in trouble." That's like saying that -69.99 or whatever is okay. I don't think so. Pretty much fucking frozen by then and not much else can be done about it. So a little bit naff there. Oh, and Bev and Picard had a bit of overfamiliarity at the end there. She called him Jean-Luc. Oh great, anyhow. Yeah, summary: y'know, I've seen worse.

Anon: Yeah, Code of Honor was definitely worse. I mean, at least this had some comedy. There was also a lot more time spent on the Enterprise than I remember. They spent a good 20 minutes still up on the ship. What else is there to say?

Anon²: Well, next episode then. Oh, shall we get some food?

Anon: We might get some yam, yeah.

Anon²: Yeah, we're gonna get some yam then we'll watch another one.

Anon: And we'll update everyone on the food in a bit.

Anon²: It could be a curry. You never know.

Anon: Oh, since we're recording, at the end of the last 4 episodes we watched the documentary Trekkies 2.

Anon²: Oh my God! (laughs)

Anon: What was your take on that visual experience?

Anon²: I think... okay... I think this has to be a separate article. We should split it from the last episode because frankly it requires a lot of discussion. I've never been... the only thing I've ever been to is GenCon where I played a game of cards. I'd never seen a Trek convention or anything like that and they're all fucked in the head. Every single one of them is beyond... I just can't fucking describe it. It's insane. These people are fucked up. Y'know, I just can't believe it. What the fuck?

Anon: Okay, more to be discussed on that subject. If I recall correctly the next episode is Where No One Has Gone Before which features the debut of The Traveler.

Anon²: Underground: The Traveling, we remember him well.

Anon: The Traveler seems to try to bum Wesley in every episode they're in together.

Anon²: It was a good card.

Anon: Oh yeah, he moved things or something.

Anon²: He let you draw cards.

Anon: Oh sure, that's The Traveler: Transcendence. There was also a personnel card.

Anon²: Was there?

Anon: I think it was in the Away Team pack.

Anon²: Yeah, he was. Yeah, I thought he was the guy who actually did that. Maybe not.

Anon: So, an event and a personnel.

Anon²: Y'know, I haven't actually seen these cards in very many years. Apart from when we did that sealed deck that I wasn't really in the mood for. Ah well, by the by. But yeah, I haven't seen any of these cards in ages and recognising them is a bit weird. "Oh my God - there's a card. I don't know what it's called." Brilliant! And then you say, "Oh, it's this." You obviously loved your cards more than I did. (laughs)

Anon: Oh they also managed to get around the problem of casting a new Chief Engineer for every episode by just not bothering.

Anon²: I think they should just give Geordi the job and be done with it. He's in that persuasion.

Anon: Great. We'll see you all soon.

- Anon and Anon², 30-Jun-2009