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| Farpoint Station - actually a lesbian jellyfish | Saucer separation - yawn | Wesley, Riker and Crusher - guess who sucks | Two legends |
| (more images below) | |||
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| Farpoint Station - actually a lesbian jellyfish | Saucer separation - yawn | Wesley, Riker and Crusher - guess who sucks | Two legends |
| (more images below) | |||
Overview: The new starship Enterprise begins its maiden voyage by uncovering the mysteries of an advanced starbase.
Writers: Gene Roddenberry & DC Fontana
Director: Corey Allen
Anon: Just a quick question for you, beause it's been a while since I've watched Next Gen. Does it seem to you like it was 22 years ago?
Anon2: Good God, I can remember watching this when it first came out and it was fanstastic. And I bought it on video about 10 years ago, it was fantastic. But it's been a long time since I watched it, and it was fun. But it's got to get better though, hasn't it?
Anon: So, moving onto a hotly-debated topic amongst Trek fans, is Denise Crosby hot?
Anon2: At that time, I guess not, but she does improve. Overall, in the series as we're about to find out, yeah she is quite hot but she does die and fuck off. Not bothered about doing it really. So as a Trekkie, she's hot, but as anyone else watching any other movie: no, she's got short hair. Bit of a lezza, but she's got tits.
Anon: A lot of eyeshadow too. What do you make of Roddenberry's influence on the series in this early episode?
Anon2: Well, there's lots of morale and at the end of the day it's an entire episode about that, so it's pretty true to Roddenberry's original ideals of what Star Trek should be. They've got visibility there with LeVar Burton as Geordi, they've got a kid there who's a prick, you've got the love interest, semi-love interest going on there, you know? It's good, it's pretty interesting - nothing too radical so far. Not like the hoo-haa of KISS, non-cross-eyed version, nothing like that. But it's pretty good to see one of the original cast in there too.
Anon: So were you as excited as the actors and characters were on the Battle Bridge during the saucer separation sequence?
Anon2: If that was me, I'd probably have wet my pants. I don't think they looked too bothered, frankly. "Oh my God, we're gonna die!" or panicing or running around. If I'd have thought I was gonna run out of toilet paper I'd be proper fucking worried but they didn't seem to be even that worried.
Anon: We're very early on in Next Gen here and there are some things that change a lot throughout the series' history. You've got the old uniforms here before they had the collars, and it does look a bit shit I guess. You've got no Chief Engineer at this stage, Troi looks like an intergalactic cheerleader. What do you make of this sort of period and how long do you think it takes to become the series that most people are familiar with?
Anon2: I guess for me this whole series kicked off from about the third season anyway, but everything has grass roots I suppose. Deanna Troi - to me that's a great skirt. To me, she should have kept that on. At some stage she was gonna do a Fatal Attraction bit... was it Fatal Attraction, the one where she showed us her snatch, that's what I was hoping for.
Anon: It was Basic Instinct.
Anon2: Ah, Basic Instinct.
Anon: Marina Sirtis ain't in that though.
Anon2: Oh no, Sharon Stone flashes her snatch. Anyway, at some point, I was hoping maybe in season 4, Deanna would flash her snatch. I know she had the figure-hugging thing that made her look a bit fat around the thighs but the skirt thing had a lot of promise you know. It's pretty good. As far as saying when does it become like the rest of the series, this was early days y'know, and the wooden acting... they didn't find their parts until later on anyway. Particularly Frakes actually. I'd say he kind of remains how he is; he just grows a beard.
Anon: Let's talk a little bit more now about Deanna, and we just mentioned Jonathan Frakes who plays Riker. They have some very cheesy moments in this first episode. When they do there "I too could never say goodbye, Imzadi" that's pretty dodgy, innit? I also like the bit where she's reading the thoughts of the creature in Farpoint Station and she goes "Unhappiness... despair" which I guess is just what happens when you spend your whole life being a Tottenham Hotspur fan.
Anon2: Well, I've got to say if she's just there as this weird sort of thing, the one downfall of her entire character is that basically, she should be able to pre-suss everything out. It kinda fucks the whole storyline... "Oh, who did it?" Figure it out, bitch! Ghastly acting, but she does get some good parts later on and we're yet to see her tits every episode.
Anon: Another ongoing feature that I think has got potential is "The Geordi-watch." What does Geordi do? I mean, he's not the Chief Engineer at this stage, he's wandering around. So I think every episode we could rate on a scale of 1 to 5 how important or how pointless Geordi is.
Anon2: I've got to say, until he starts wearing black and white, I'm not sure. At the end of the day, as a 'Toon fan, it's kinda like watching your team wait around 1 or 2 generally. We might get relegated to Engineering. If we do get relegated to Engineering then I guess we've just got to sack the Captain, tell him he's a cunt, wasted his money, tried to interfere with what's going on in the ship. The fact is this guy's got to be given a chance - he's wearing a pair of shades that are a bit out of fashion these days but they do have a barcode sort of thing on them. I don't know with Geordi. I don't know about going on a scale of 1 to 5, I only ever see 1's and 2's out of Geordi. And I'm a Geordie fan myself. 5: I mean, that's asking something. In the days of the late era of Keegan, '96-'97 season was fantastic. But as far as Geordi's conerned, I've got to say for 20-odd years of my life, it's gonna be tricky to see how he gets along. I hope the management sort him out and give him a proper job and some good storylines to go with it. Whether or not he scores goals or not, I don't know. If he heads the ball, his shades might fall off. He's wander around aimlessly and be like Boomsong - just as hopeless as him. Hopefully he won't lose his glasses that much. If he does and he realises he's not actually a Geordie, like Mike Ashley, it could be quite bad for him.
Anon: Another of the rather random characters at this stage is Wesley Crusher.
Anon2: Cunt.
Anon: Indeed. Wesley was Gene Roddenberry's middle name and he said that he built the character around himself - about how he felt when he was growing up, which may say something about him. My notes on this bit of paper where I've been jotting things down says "Is Wesley a cunt?" and although you've already answered it, that's my question to you. Before we get started, I'd like to point out that he was wearing a very gay jumper.
Anon2: There's 7 seasons of this to go and it's quite likely that by the end we'll find out that he is actually a cunt. But I think we've got to reserve judgment and watch the series and see if he gets with queers at any stage or gets rid of that fucking jumper or the other disastrous clothing he wears. I thought Roddenberry conceived this guy as being some sort of him at some point but Roddenberry's actually gone down in my estimations because he looks like a prick. But like I say, 176 episodes to go so we can reserve judgment just for now.
Anon: The crux of the episode is that Farpoint Station turns out to be a jellyfish creature that looks totally bent. We've got some strong evidence that the jellyfish and the jellyfuckbuddy are in fact lezzas.
Anon2: Well, they grope each other up and although they've got protruding bits that seem to touch each other, they do look a lot like flanges to me.
Anon: Have you got anything else you'd like to add to this?
Anon2: I'd just like to say it was pretty good. Data was basically Data and I'm not sure if his golden eyes stayed the same colour all the way through, I don't remember that. Hopefully this series will improve. Maybe Data's brother will turn up at some stage and we'll have a bit of a giggle and say "There's not much of a difference there really. There's identical twins for you, whatever."
Anon: A bit of random trivia for you: Brent Spiner once recorded an album called "Good Ol Yellow Eyes is Back" with backing vocals from Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes and Michael Dorn.
Anon2: I really didn't know that but I'm looking forward to hearing it at some point.
Anon: Okay, the next episode is The Naked Now...
Anon2: Naked?
Anon: Yeah, naked.
Anon2: Excellent. Who gets naked?
Anon: Tasha Yar, sort of.
Anon2: I think she might be a lezza, but that'll do, sounds good.
Anon: She spends a little bit of time bouncing up and down on Lieutenant Commander Data's fleshy metal cock.
Anon2: Oo-er, Mrs!
Anon: We'll be seeing you soon.
- Anon and Anon2, 26-Jun-2009
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| Slaphead says "Engage" | The Bridge - nice carpet | Some wrinkly fucker |