On a warm summer’s evenin’ on a train bound for nowhere
I met up with this porn star; we were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a starin’ out the window at the darkness
Till boredom overtook us, and he began to speak
He said, "Son, I’ve made a life jizzing over chicks’ faces
And knowin’ where their clit is by the way I hear their sighs
So if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re going places
For a taste of your whiskey I’ll give you some advice"
So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression
Said, "If you’re gonna fuck a chick, boy, ya gotta learn to fuck her right"
"You got to know when to suck ’em, know when to fuck ’em
Know when to bang her vag and know when to bum
You never spank your monkey when you’re eatin' her labia
There’ll be time enough for cummin' when the shagging's done"
"Now ev’ry porn star knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ how to shag away whilst finding muff to eat
’Cause whether you're a boozer or a substance abuser
Know the best that you can hope for is not to stain the sheets"
So when he’d finished speakin’, he turned back towards the window
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness this porn star, I believe in
'Cause in his final words I found these words that I could keep:
"You got to know when to suck ’em, know when to fuck ’em
Know when to bang her vag and know when to bum
You never spank your monkey when you’re eatin' her labia
There’ll be time enough for cummin' when the shagging's done"
"You got to know when to suck ’em, know when to fuck ’em
Know when to bang her vag and know when to bum
You never count you r money when you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for cummin' when the shagging's done"
- 17-Aug-2004