Ruling Britannia XIX

So here I am sitting in my bedroom back at my parents house. The same seat in which Ruling Britannia was born, I had a big argument over email with Major Rakal about the word 'hell' and I discussed deck concepts with some of the best players in the world on the build up to countless big tournaments, con's and regionals. As you will remember, last month I was just about to move out of my beautiful bachelor pad in North London. Well now it is no more than a distant memory. Snap has gone back to Scotland, still owing large amounts of money to several Trek players. Mike has gone back to Ireland still looking for a job and saying 'dude' a lot. Tobes has gone back to Slough still trying to convince the world that wrestling isn't shite and the reincarnation of Jesus Christ has arrived in the form of James. Ringo has had to start actually living in his own house. Life, as we have come to know it over the last 6 months, is pretty much over. It was sad moving out. First Mike and then Tobes loaded up vans and were whisked off to various remote locations. My last memory is standing in the kitchen for an hour with Snap. We were just chucking a tennis ball backwards and forwards across the kitchen trying to think of as many Trek cards we could that contained all the letters of the word 'Yortle'. Then that was it, I finished loading the car and was off.

Of course what you have to remember is that there is nothing wrong with going back to square one when square one is quite a groovy place. I remember having an awful lot of fun before we moved in together and I'm sure if you give me long enough I'll remember how. What it has made me realise is that I actually still enjoy Trek. You remember last month that I was on a bit of a tightrope about this one wondering whether I really enjoyed the game any more. Back in the good old days (1996-8), I used to love every aspect of the game. I used to spend ages building decks, dreaming up new ideas and anxiously waiting for the next tournament (which were not too common in those days). Then the first thing that went was my enjoyment of building decks. By 1999, decks had to be so finely balanced and contained so many cards that it took ages to build one and basically lost you an evening. The next thing that went was my enjoyment of actually playing the games. Although I still enjoy the whole tournament atmosphere and competition, some of the games are becoming a little dull. The first few turns of each game got very predictable and monotonous. In fact, last week I went up to the bar and got a pint while DT was having his first turn. No really, I'm not lying. The games I found myself enjoying were the ones where my opponent was prepared to have a bit of a laugh (or sing) during the games. I guess the spread of the fearsome DQSS deck finally made me lose interest in the metagame as well and about last month I started wondering whether the only reason I played Trek at all was to see my mates and go to the pub afterwards. Now I'm back at home, I have a bit more time to myself and I'm starting to wonder about strategy again and I realise that I still like the game, just maybe now I'll play a bit less seriously.

Last month of course I asked people to tell me why I shouldn't stop playing Trek. The 2 best responses are as follows, the first being from World Championships runner up Brian Sykes.

'Don't be Stupid Ian, you should not give up playing Star Trek because... If you do, then that will leave DT to pretty much own the Trek World.... without your watchful eye, his Rating will soar to 3000 in no time flat. Besides, although I didn't really get a chance to know you at DCon 2K, you strike me as a very fun guy to be around.... and with the player base dwindling as it is (at least in my area) we need world beaters like you to help keep the game strong.'

I like the idea of me keeping DT under my watchful eye. I wonder if I really have been a bad influence on him and without me he would be World Champion by now. It's possible I suppose with my strict views about not talking about cards in the bar and the necessity of turning up to tournaments with a hangover. The other response that touched me in a special way was from Michael Walk. He sent me a long email but the essence is contained in the last paragraph.

'Good luck in the future and I wish you the best of success for finding a new place to live and finding a new bar (Pub) to hang out in. I also hope you get your ST groove back. When I read in your last RB, that you were getting sick of the game it scared me. No more RB, I thought, and that would be a shame. I love the RB's and you guys are pretty cool and funny. I'd like to share a beer or pint with you guys in the future. Take care mike!'

This to me gives me a genuine reason not to give up Trek in the near future. It means technically I would have to give up RB and I would hate that. Not only because I love writing it but also people seem to genuinely enjoy reading it as well. As Mike put it earlier in the email,

'It's great for dropping a deuce! Much better than the shampoo bottle.'

What higher compliment could you reasonably ask for? One other thing he mentions is that he liked the idea of the Victoria line bar crawl but couldn't do it because his local train service goes right through the arse end of New Jersey. Well first of all, don't let that put you off because the VLC started in Brixton which is probably the worst district in the whole of London and came to a close near Tottenham which is a pretty close second. Secondly, all you NJ players with big mouths (you know who you are), lets see you put them to good use. Come up with a decent bar crawl in the New Jersey area, complete it and then send me a report. Oh yeah and while we are on the subject of NJ players, I received the following from John Corbett the other day.

Well, here's some motivation. The Pro Tour has begun. It's time to start having "Big Time" Trek tournament. Phase 1, Organize. Go to Decktech.net and find KillerB's Pro Tour in the group section. This is where players are getting together and plotting on running a "Big Time" Trek tournament. Phase 2, get sponsored. Someone's got to help this out. So spread the word across Europe. Let them know The Tour is going to take Trek to the next level.

I like the idea. The only thing that puts me off is visiting a site that once described me as 'A British guy trying to impress the kids with stories about going to the bar.' Someone told me the other day that Dechtech hasn't been updated for ages, is this true? That would be so sad. No really.

Anyway I have done my usual trick of going off at a tangent. Lets get back to what passes around here for on topic when I recount a tournament I went to a couple of weeks back. This was the first tournament in my new 'take the game less seriously' campaign. This basically meant that by my own rules I would have to play something other than DQSS and anything else stupidly powerful. In the end I opted for a deck with 30 Dilemmas for no other reason other than I thought it would be a laugh. Doing it the only way I thought practical, I played a Borg shopping trolley deck. After building it I remember thinking how much better the deck would be with, say, 27 Dilemmas, a Q-Flash, a Service the Collective and an Establish Gateway but still, it was vaguely playable if you think a 10 turn win deck is playable. The tournament started off well. I played against Colm 'Bawdy' McFadden and won by denying him all his Diplomacy and Law in his deck and having an Implication under every Mission. This was how the deck was supposed to work. Unfortunately it was the only time it did. After losses to Mark Radford, Matthew Thomas, Steevie G and finally in the most one-sided game of Trek in history DT, I finished with my worst ever score in a trek tournament 1-4. Everyone seemed to have at least 10 Diplomacy in their decks and walked through my 5 card Dilemma combos fairly easily. Should have thought a bit harder about them really. This tournament should see my ranking finally plummet through the floor in my very own personal race to 1800 (from the wrong end).

Of course, despite moving house, playing tournaments and the like we have also had time to do our fair share of drinking this month. This has been largely due to the rebirth of the Warwick Massive. Those with long memories may remember back in RB 3 when I mentioned that the last class of Warwick Trek players had graduated. Well this was expected to spell the end of Warwick as a tournament and social centre. Well it did until a couple of months ago. You see while everyone of the old Warwick class has graduated, Noddy and Punchline still live in the area and we found out that Jedi Council Member and Rider of Rohan Neil Palframan is a Warwick Student with 2 years to go on his degree course. It seems this University is just a magnet for drinking gamers as well as the most amazingly attractive women in the world. Therefore we have started an exchange program whereby the Warwick crew will come down to London and then the following month we will go up there. In fact, this has been going on in an unofficial capacity for a couple of months now. It really took off however on Martin Allen's birthday. Martin, Rik, Noddy, Punchline and myself, all Warwick veterans hit a London club after a tournament to find that, while we were all getting old (especially Rik), we could still have a good time by going out, getting wasted and trying to pull. In fact, just watching Noddy on the pull is normally worth the night out in itself. Ever since we lost the house though it has been more difficult to get home. It took Noddy, Punchline and myself 3 hours on this night and we didn't even try to buy a kebab.

This was followed up a week later by my trip down to Warwick. It's funny because originally loads of us were going to go but one by one they dropped out. It seems to me that there are lots of London players who can talk a really good night out but when it comes to the crunch are a bunch of women. Ringo is usually the notable exception although lately even he has been using the excuse of having no money. What transpired in Warwick was a good night out followed by a Lord of the Rings tournament, followed by another good night out. Our first trip was to the Warwick Students Union where we were treated to several of Warwick's finest women wearing nothing but Santa Claus bikinis (if you've never seen them before you are really missing out). Neil's observation antics were severely hindered by the presence of his psycho possessive girlfriend whom he eventually left standing up against a wall crying so he could carry on the far more important task of ogling the various other women on display. We eventually went to bed about 4:00AM after arriving back at Neil's place and drunkenly watching videos for a couple of hours.

The following day the LOTR tournament further displayed my ineptitude at the game. Despite pulling reasonable cards from my sealed deck, I could only finish mid way down the field. For once, it seemed the Aragorn decks were doing better than the Gandalf ones. The great thing about LOTR tournaments though is they don't take nearly as long as Trek ones and we were soon getting ready for another night out. This time it was the Coloseum nightclub in Coventry that was the venue. Well we drunk a lot of Vodka at £1 per double and had great fun watching Noddy on the pull again. His prize capture on the night this time was a 16 year old who he managed to pull with the line

'You have the eyes of 10 women. I don't mean in a jar'

What you have to realise about Noddy's pulling technique is that it is all in the delivery. I don't think anyone else in the whole universe could pull with this line.

I do have a few other quick stories before we finish, as always, on a song. The first is one that I keep forgetting to include and concerns Essex player Nick Yankovich. After deciding to come to School Disco with the lads, we got in the club and were just settling down to enjoy a few beers and women in school uniform when Nick was floored by a guy claiming he was looking at his girlfriend. I saw very little of what went on but after spending £13 quid on entrance and a beer, he was thrown out of the club half an hour later with a black eye and a tooth missing. This was the latest in a run of bad luck for Nick who only a week previously had been tied to a crucifix in the Purple Turtle and molested by a girl who he later had no success whatsoever in pulling. More Nick related stories as and when they happen.

The other classic this month, of course, concerns Ringo. On Thursday morning of all days a received a series of text messages from Ringo describing what had happened the night before. Apparently he had gone to Manchester with a group of people from work and had pulled one of the easy female targets there (remember GenCon 2000 anyone?) Now memories of the next few hours are sketchy but apparently he tried to get a taxi to take him to London (about 300 miles) and woke up in the morning with a pool of vomit on the floor, covered in blood (we still don't know why) next to this girl. The first thing she asked him is what a Yortle was. Apparently he shouted it out during sex. We think this is the first documented case of 'Yortle!' being shouted out during sex although we will of course take contenders for this one.

While we are on the subject of Yortle, we need some help with a competition. As previously mentioned, Snap and I spent a while trying to think of cards that contained all the letters of the word Yortle. Now, not including treaty cards (of which there are many), we have come up with 3. These are

Now we did this without looking through our collections or card lists and we expect you to do the same. See if you can come up with some more.

Last of all of course we have Song of the Month. This month's song is one of my own, the first for a while. Please note that if you are from a part of the world that doesn't pronounce DQSS 'Dickwiss' then this song won't work for you. However, it's about time you did.

Remember to read next week to find out about all the Christmas and New Years festivities. We may even find time for the odd tournament.