This Is A Wine Bar And I Want My Money Back

I want my money back!
I want my money back!

This wine is nothing
And nothing's all a wine bar sells
Every time I drink some wine
I puke it up and spit it out

You should know something
It’s the real theme of this true song
Beer’s the only guarantee
That's what this is all about

Though wine won’t make you quite as fat
Everyone who drinks here is a twat
This is a wine bar and I want my money back!

And all the “winies”
Know that they all have smelly groins
They're the ones who smell like mules
And as for beer – they go without

There's desperation
There's desperation in the air
Wine bars are something we oppose
And those poofters need some stout

There’s no one scratching their arsecrack
And no one wants a Snakebite Black
This is a wine bar and I want my money back!

I want my money back
I want my money back

What about red?
It's defective!
You must be having a laugh

What about white?
It's defective!
Beer has it so far suppassed

What about your Chianti?
It's defective!
It’s an insult to a Scot

What about Vermouth?
It’s defective!
It’ll start to shrink your cock

What about Loire?
It's defective!
It's a crap vineyard in France

What about Bual?
It's defective!
I wouldn't drink that pants

What about Riseling?
It’s defective!
Only cunts will disagree

What about Pinot?
It's defective!
It's a bullshit drink to me

What about Muscat?
It's defective!
It's not a drink for us guys

What about Merlot?
It's defective!
It's so shit that you'll die

What about your manhood?
It's defective!
It's dead and shrivelled by the bar

What about your wine list?
It's defective!
And you can shove it up your arse!!

I want my money back
I want my money back

This wine is nothing
And nothing's all a wine bar sells
Every time I drink some wine
I puke it up and spit it out

Though wine won’t make you quite as fat
Everyone who drinks here is a twat
This is a wine bar and I want my money back!

There’s no one scratching their arsecrack
And no one wants a Snakebite Black
This is a wine bar and I want my money back!