It's been one week since we got to see
Craig break the seat when he went for a barry
Few years since we had to go
On the Viccy Line boozing up at Pimlico
Three days since I told the tale
About losing a game of pool against a she-male
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That people started calling me the Boozy Ringer
Holy cow, did you see that big spat?
HK versus Daft Twat
Was like a dysfunctional family
I think it's true that the brawl
Could've been had on a pub crawl
Still I was in the middle tryin' to be the referee
At School Disco DT tried to dance
Still he had no chance
Yet he tried one after the other
And I think it should be stressed
That I like good breasts
Even when they're undercover
In old Page's Bar we had a craic
Virgin sticker on Marshy's back
But Bob didn't like our unsensible behaviour
Walking down the road wearing shite clothes
Pointing out the ho's, that's how it goes
And you know I'll smoke good shit of any flavour
We're always swearing, cursing, checking butt and playing games
Unaware? We don't care, still using nicknames
Look - there's Mikey, who has a high salary range
He came to London and is quite deranged
We have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
We have a history of swapping all our tops
It's been four years since Angela got a fright
We were all dancing and I punched out her light
Not long till our next pub crawl
Take some more pictures so we can recall
It's been a while since we all got nude
Stevie G wore Y-fronts so we laughed and were quite rude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
That people started calling me the Boozy Ringer
(Ringo:) Shanny's had my sister
(Shanny:) Yeah, she was shit
(Ringo:) That's why she's free
(Shanny:) Oh! Well I've been sleeping with Inflatable Ingrid
(Ringo:) Yeah? Well me too!
(Shanny:) Oh!
(Ringo:) And I've been playing with your rubber swords
(Shanny:) My rubber swords? You bitch!... Well I'm sleeping with my sister
(Ringo:) That potato doesn't love you!
Once we start drinkin', our pints start clinkin'
We drink them down, all those pints were sinkin'
Tobes was the King of Masturbation
Was his vocation
He'd jerk off without motivation
What's totally worthless? His Rogue Borg decks
In games of Star Trek
Played it every week much to our dismay
Like normal people we watch porno's
Some think we're sicko's
Collection's getting bigger every day
Back some time ago, played "Don't You Know?"
Bet fifty pence on every go
All whilst laughing at DT's lack of oral hygiene
And then we all end up at Poon's
Eat some chow mein like we're mad loons
'Cos it's part of our alco-madness routine
Well we're the kind of crew where people scream obscenities
We eat meat then I moan about cheese
"Britneys! Britneys!" - now we've started our favourite chant
Should we go to sleep now? We just can't
We have a tendency to drink beer religiously
We have a history of toasting each one
Dan Hunter likes to go and work out
But on pub crawls he becomes a lager-lout
It came as no big surprise
When we saw the sign that proved we ate all the pies
When boozin' I'm not subdued
I drank so much John Smith's that across the street I spewed
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That people started calling me the Boozy Ringer
Such a pisshead they call me the Boozy Ringer
I'm gonna smoke some grass 'cos I'm the Boozy Ringer
Come over here and pull on my finger
- 21-Sep-2004