That's Your Shit Deck

DOMINION
There's travel in your future cos you can do fuck all in your native quadrant
Half your personnel are on hard drugs and the rest are all just big piles of goo

NON-ALIGNED
Try to avoid using personnel with affiliations
You are the true lords of the game, forget that all your ships and personnel suck

BAJORAN
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that all your ships are all no good
Trade decks with a Pokemon kid, then give a hickey to Major Rakal

NEUTRAL
You will never win a tournament - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The only thing your personnel can do is sit and lick it's ass and then go back to sleep

That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!

ROMULAN
Your personnel will be ruined once again by their expansive mullets
Your missions will run into trouble when your opponent seeds Firestorm at them all

VIDIIAN
The position of your outpost says that you will spend the rest of the game attacked by the Borg
Try not to venture into the Alpha Quadrant where you can do fuck all

FEDERATION
Now is not a good time for Federation decks that are based in the Alpha Quadrant, no!
Pile aboard the I.S.S. Enterprise and pray to fuck that you don't get blown up

KLINGON
All Klingons have the stupidest hair in the game - except for Kazon
Expect a big surprise this year when you wind up with no good cards in The Borg

That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely after twelve affiliations that Decipher could have failed to make a single good affiliation that can always be relied upon to win, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and opinions are all based on solid scientific documented playtesting and you would have to be some kind of scrubber not to realise that every single one of them is absolutely true
Where was I?

FERENGI
A big expansion is just around the corner for someone with better personnel than you
Laughter is the very best pick-me-up, remember that when you lose every game next week

THE BORG
Get ready for an unexpected fight now that we can attack your outpost
Work a little harder on improving your crap personnel, cos they're all shite

KAZON
All your ships and personnel are crap..... burn them
You've got no transporters and you don't even have a decent free report

CARDASSIAN
Decipher says Cardassians are actually good... but you know they're lying
If I were you I'd burn all of my Spoonheads and never never never never never play this deck again

That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!
That's your shit deck for today!